There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
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