The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
