Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
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