Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
