i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Randomize
