I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
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Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
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I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
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