i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
