call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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