Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
