I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
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