And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
