I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
