I don't think brook has ever known best
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Randomize
