if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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