she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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