dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
