do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
a search helicopter?!
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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