Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
