i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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