i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
