And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
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