I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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