i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
