Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
