I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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