If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
