ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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