Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
