I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
