I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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