ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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