Kiss
Puke
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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