Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
