Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
