You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Randomize
