She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
