My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
