Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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