i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
