so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
