I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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