I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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