this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
