i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
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