plz talk dirty to me
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
50% drunk capacity currently
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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