you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize