I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
