Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
