He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize