On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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