Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
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