I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
