Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
