I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I wish there were birth control emojis
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
