He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Randomize
