I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
