And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
