In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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