If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
