the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
