At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Shame - the story of my life.
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