Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
