____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
It's official drugs can't kill me
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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