my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
