wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
