I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Randomize
