I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
My vagina just clenched in fear
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
