I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
