I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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