Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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